Once upon a time there was a happy little world called the Vermin Realm. It was a magical place, filled with happy little bunnies and fluffy little meeces, who danced and skipped and played from the moment the sun rose until the moment Mr Moon came out at night. And it was a lovely place, filled with laughter and picnics and all sorts of…
OK, scrap that. That’s all rubbish. I’m not trying to say that the Vermin Realm wasn’t a happy place, but it certainly wasn’t something out of a fairytale, unless that fairy tale also included Toothy Killer Ducks, Madagascan Skull Limpets and Bunnybees*.
Let’s start again.
No one knew how long the Vermin Realm had existed. Some say that the moment humans first stopped picking fleas off each other and started to use sharp and pointy tools all of the rats, mice, rabbits, squirrels, foxes, seagulls and pigeons collectively said “Right we’re out of here” and went off to form their own world. There are others who said that these animals simply got offended when humans first started calling them “Vermin” and decided that they wouldn’t put up with it any more. Then there are those who think that the Vermin Realm was created after the Black Death, when all of the rats (quite sensibly) decided to make themselves scarce and, over time, the other animals, fed up with humans, joined them.
There are many things that we will never know. Unfortunately, no one ever thought to write it down. But what we do know is this: the Vermin Realm is real. It exists. I’ve been there.
The squirrels have their own kingdom, the rabbits their own country. The mice live on the outskirts, ambushing all the others, and the foxes live… well, they live on their own island, but that’s just common sense. The seagulls and pigeons come and go as they please and, just lately, starlings have been starting to show up. Each has their own place. It’s not exactly harmony, but it seems to work.
And in the middle rule the rats.
The legend goes that he who wields the power in Rat Central rules the Realm entire. And a fat little rat named Snitch would dearly love to rule the Vermin Realm…
“That Fat Rat’s a Brat” is the first book in the Rodent Rebels series.
*I know that you probably think that BunnyBees actually sound quite cute, but you just try going near them if you’re eating a honey-glazed carrot. They’ll pull your eyebrows off.
Brilliant!